MIRMURS

July 8, 2012

THREE SONGS THAT DESCRIBE LIFE AT MT. BULLER

“So Icy” –Gucci Mane

Yes, I knew moving to the snowy Australian mountains would involve ice. No, I didn’t realize that ice is one of the leading causes of face plants. Walking to work every morning through frozen tundra with the snow machines blowing in your face isn’t just annoying, it’s a hazard. After one day I realized my Uggs weren’t going to cut it as snow shoes so I sacked up and bought some that were meant to be suitable for this type of terrain. I don’t know if it’s because they are children’s size or I just got ripped off, but I eat it, without fail, everyday.

“I Want To Break Free” –Queen

Coming up here to work at a childcare centre seemed all well and good; I love (well-behaved) children. I (kinda) know how to handle kids. Well some of the munchkins that float through our program each day are not only opposed to being in our care, they try to sprint out of the room every chance they get. They scream, cry, and stand on their tiptoes to try and unlatch the gate. Any kid that that can take a morning ski lesson, throw a tantrum for two hours, pee his pants, and still has the energy to make a run for it must be eating an awesome breakfast… and I’d like to get me some of that.

“I’ve Seen Better Days” –Sublime

I never thought of myself as a beach girl. Sure I studied in San Diego for a few years, casually doing homework with my toes buried in the sand, but I figured I’d be fine with this move because I also love(d) the snow. New Year’s celebrations in Tahoe, snow frolicking for hours and drunk sledding are some of my favorite memories. But living in the snow is another story. I’m used to having rosy cheeks from the sun, not from windburn. Sorry I’m not sorry that I like to wear flip-flops 342 days of the year. We’ve started playing a game here to see who is wearing the most layers each day. My record so far is six layers; I’ll keep you posted.

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April 9, 2012

HOW TO SURVIVE PUBLIC TRANSPORT

Using public transportation is awesome. It’s good for the environment, perfect for people-watching, and in a city like Melbourne it’s rated one of the most convenient ways to get around. The first few weeks using buses, trains and trams to get around I felt really independent and I’m not gonna lie it was kind of fun. After being caught in a downpour with my umbrella flipped inside out waiting for a late tram, having to WALK an hour to work due to tram traffic and sitting next to a crazy lady who may or may not have been trying to feel me up, my opinion has flipped. I have never missed my car more. If you are one of the brave (or broke) souls who frequents public transport, here are some tips I’ve picked up along the way.

I use Public Transport Victoria everyday to check if my journey is going to take me 20 minutes or two hours. Unfortunately it isn’t always accurate and you can still end up waiting at a tram stop for 15 minutes, but at least you know when you were supposed to leave.

Wear sunglasses. They are really useful when you want to stare at the crazy, drugged out deros without seeming obvious. I can only equate the conversations overheard on Route 78 to the convos that take place on the late night party bus from Thrusters night club to the bars in downtown San Diego. Every day I take the same ~~low budget~~ vintage trolley to work and I’ve learned it’s actually one of the oldest and slowest in the city! How’s that for some culture.

Pay your way. Even though spending nearly $35 a week on public transport is like a dagger to my penniless heart, I’d rather ride in peace than deal with the tram gestapo. They are serious about “fare evaders” and plain clothes officers raid the trains often. And when they do catch someone they get all giddy and celebratory. They also have silly rules. I nearly got a $180 fine for putting my feet on the seat in front of me. First of all, my feet don’t even reach so it was like a toe rest. Second, what kind of rule is that?!

Don’t forget earphones. It doesn’t even matter if your iPod is dead, it’s just a good way to ignore the craziness happening around you. I could make an entire blog called tram jams, a profile of Melbourne’s tram rider’s tunes. It’s pretty hilarious to see who listens to what. People think that just because they have earphones in they can turn the volume all the way up and be in their own little music bubble. But no, we can all hear exactly what you’re listening to. Yes you, little old man with a fancy briefcase grooving to Whitney Houston’s (R.I.P) “I Wanna Dance With Somebody.” I only want to listen to that song when I’m dancing around my room getting ready for a night out, or if I’m wasted. I mean yeah, if someone heard my tram jams they would probably wonder what a tiny white girl toting a yoga mat is doing listening to Tupac’s “Changes,” but at least I turn my volume down.

Always leave an hour before you need to be somewhere. In my case, two hours since if I’m late to work again I’ll probably get fired.

Hakuna Matata, Miranda

March 12, 2012

IF I WERE A RICH GIRL

It’s an interesting thing, working in order to pay for your own rent and expenses. A thing that I’ve actually never had to deal with, thanks to supportive parents who funded my college career in vacation paradise and five months frolicking around Europe. Once this Australia idea was hatched however, I was on my own. I figured, how hard can getting a job really be? How difficult is it to find somewhere to live in a new city? It’s been quite the adventure. I finally found a job and a place to live, along with seven housemates. Being at the bottom end of the financial totem pole isn’t so bad, but it takes some creativity. I’ve composed a list of items I will purchase when I’m rich… or get my first pay check.

A pillow: I was gifted a pillow by my lovely Aussie host on the Gold Coast, which really helped me during the 28 hour train ride to Melbourne. But one pillow just isn’t enough. I like a plethora of fluff beneath my head. At home I had a queen sized bed with a duvet, blankets and at least four pillows at all times. Now I sleep on a twin bed, with just one. Down grade.

Paper towels: Spills happen. Especially when you create a make-shift beer pong table. But those things are expensive, so until I get some cash, I’ll have to deal with the 50 pack of napkins from Ikea (99 cents).

A dresser: So I have a closet that’s about the size of a European shower. After buying hangers (!) and hanging up as many clothes as humanly possible, I’m still left with a ton of stuff that needs a place. But because poor girls be crafty, we’ve stolen milk crates from Kelsey’s café, spray painted them glossy black, and stacked them up to create shelves. Pinterest that shit. So awesome, until you take out some PJ pants and discover the paint stains.

A towel: Yeah… Using the micro-fiber towel that I used in Africa is really getting old. But I’m not about to buy a towel, then pay to wash it and pay even more to dry it (we found out what happens when you miss this step, Kelsey’s red towel still leaves fuzz presents all over the house and our clothes) when I have a perfectly good one, even if it is kind of annoying.

An avocado keeper: I know it seems like such a hockey, infomercial purchase. But really, what’s more annoying than putting your avo in the fridge one day, and the next it’s gone bad. It’s even more unfortunate when you’re sharing a refrigerator with half a dozen people and your avocado (and lettuce, and oranges, and yogurt) gets shoved to the back and then gets frozen because some idiot keeps turning the temperature too low.

I’m now accepting donations.

Hakuna Matata, Miranda

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January 10, 2012

THREE THINGS TO LEARN IN SYDNEY

After obtaining a one-year Australian working holiday visa, my journey began on New Year’s Eve with a shot of Patron at LAX and an overnight flight to Sydney with my best friend. I’ve done a bit of traveling and expected some key cultural differences, but a few surprised me.

3) Word Up: I consider myself to have a pretty impressive command of the English language, a vocab conniseur if you will. But when I was trying to order a veggie sandwich I had to ask myself WTF is a capsicum? Do I want kumera? How about some rockmelon on the side? When traveling to a foreign country, even if the national language is supposedly English, it’s wise to research words used often in everyday speech; for vegetarians, this means know your produce.
2) Numbers game: I’ve noticed a serious testosterone to estrogen imbalance . It’s totally normal to spot four guys and one girl chatting over coffee, a gaggle of men walking down Oxford street with one lone lady, or even six dudes and one chick sipping beers at the bar. But I’m fine with it.
1) From the intensity of the Aussie accent (awesome), to the alcohol content of the wine (really awesome), and even the wattage of the microwaves and power outlets; everything is stronger here. Therefore it requires serious concentration and less booze consumption during conversations and may or may not result in blowing up food and hair straightening explosions.

Hakuna Matata, Miranda

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